Easter, The Monster Bunny From Spain, and the Santa of the Spring

Easter arrives this Sunday, and as per usual, we here at The Cosmicomicon like to find a darker angle on things normally associated with light.

As such, I give you THE FIVE MILLION YEAR OLD MONSTER BUNNY FROM SPAIN!

A bunny the size of a sheep dog, and it couldn't even hop!  IT WAS THAT LARGE AND MONSTROUS AND PREHISTORIC!

Scary, yes?  No?  Yeah, agreed. Not really scary, but kinda interesting, at least to this rabbit owner, blessed to be raising this little dollop of pure furry nectar:

But back to Easter, and the pagan tradition of the Easter Bunny.  Like so many of our American holiday traditions and Disney-mined fairy tales, the concept of the Easter Bunny came from German settlers (WOOT!), who called the egg-laying, mammalian freak "Osterhase."  I'll let Wikipedia, the exacting, air-tight chronicle of unsullied history, do the talking for my stupid ass:

According to the tradition, children would build brightly colored nests, often out of caps and bonnets, in secluded areas of their homes. The "Oster Hawse" would, if the children had been good, lay brightly colored eggs in the nest. As the tradition spread, the nest has become the manufactured, modern Easter basket, and the placing of the nest in a secluded area has become the tradition of hiding baskets

Did you know that the original Easter Bunny was an actual HARE (not an actual "rabbit," per se - Yes, I had no idea that there was a difference outside of syntax), who demanded that children create nests of grass, in giddy anticipation of the arrival of colored eggs deposited from its hinder?

This Bad Jack is all about handing out twigs as opposed to chocolaty treats.  So goddamn German.

And of course, the whole earthy Easter thing was quickly snatched up and drained off all soul and meaning by corporate interests, who just wanted to squeeze more cash out of the populace by installing a new Santa of the Spring.

So, Happy Easter, hoppers and hares. Eat some chocolate, go to church, hang with family.  Spring has sprung.  The egg laying rabbit just told me so.

Publishing News: Aklonomicon Book Trailer

Amazing work, courtesy of gifted Canadian filmmaker Brendan Petersen and his Appalling Productions.

Viva Aklo!  Ia Aklo!

Horror Beyond the Peel: The Rise of BananaThulhu

In the produce department of Vons, dead BananaThulhu waits yummy

From the mystic land that brought us ninjas, sushi, and Time of the Apes, the Japanese continue to surprise and delight, with this latest offering of artistic deliciousness.

Behold, the sculpture of ripe bananas, fashioned by Y_Yamaden into expressive goofs, scowling brutes, and Potassium-rich dragons:

No dick jokes, please.  This is a high brow, family-friendly blog... 
.................

Okay, who am I kidding?  The Cosmicomicon is all ALL ABOUT the dick jokes.  And mind ripping horror.  BUT ALSO THE DICKS JOKES!

Springtime Is For Ironic T-Shirts

... or, in this case, "intelligently designed" T-shirts, courtesy of Teach the Controversy

Publishing News: Table of Contents for "Aklonomicon" Released Today

I haven't discussed this hugely ambitious and potentially groundbreaking anthology project much to this point, as I'm waiting for a few more details to congeal, but based on the following ToC and the sickly talented names contained therein, the Aklonomicon - edited by publisher/artist Ivan McCann and famed dark poet/noir mage/gristle-fed horror writer Joseph S. Pulver for brawny upstart Aklo Press - could be a rarefied, multidimensional experience for the inner and outer eye.

I mean, just take a gander at the assembled clan:
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AKLONOMICON TABLE OF CONTENTS

DAVE CARSON COVERS

ANDREA BONAZZI FRONTISPIECE

“CAPTURED IN OILS” BY SIMON STRANTZAS WITH ART BY IVAN MCCANN

“HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN” BY EDWARD MORRIS WITH ART BY STEVE LINES

“TRUCKEE STOMP”, “CRACK”, “FEDERAL MANHUNT..”, “FINISHED WITH SANDBURG” POEMS BY LAIRD BARRON WITH ART BY JD BUSCH

“THE GIRLS OF THE WORLD” BY LIVIA LLEWELLYN WITH ART BY KIRILL ROZHKOV

MIKE DUBISCH ART WITH TEXT BY JOE PULVER

“SWAMP DREAMS” BY ROBIN SPRIGGS WITH ART BY ROB SMITTS

“FLUTES” BY T.E. GRAU WITH ART BY PAUL CARRICK

“LETTERS TO G.G.” POEMS BY B.R. JORDING WITH ART BY JASON ROBERTS

“NIGHTMARES IN A PAMPINIFORM MIND” BY JORDAN KRALL WITH ART BY ERIC REINERT

“TIME AND FOREVER” POEM BY JOE PULVER AND TARA VANFLOWER WITH ART BY DANIELE SERRA

“NEVER CALL ANUBIS LOKI’S ROBOTS CHEAP SHIT” BY JOE PULVER, GARRETT COOK AND JORDAN KRALL WITH ART BY NICK GUCKER

“THE BOOK” COMIC BY MICHAEL ZIGERLIG

“HEAD SOUP” BY JOHNNY MAINS WITH ART BY IVAN MCCANN

“WHEN SHE SHINES, POEMS... LIKE CHALICES” POEM BY NOVA RUPERTUS AND JOE PULVER

“COUNTERCLOCKWISE” BY JEFF THOMAS WITH ART BY ERIC YORK

“BRIAN’S GIRL” BY GARRETT COOK WITH ART BY JACOB PARMENTIER

“SILVER NIGHT TRAIN” AND “THE GOD OF SUBURBIA” POEMS BY LIVIA LLEWELLYN WITH ART BY KIRILL ROZHKOV

“NYARLATHOTEP PAINTING” BY ANN KOI WITH TEXT BY JOE PULVER

“IN THE CAVE SHE SANG” BY T.E. GRAU WITH ART BY PAUL CARRICK

"KRISTAMAS AS AN EXHIBITION" PHOTOS BY KRISTAMAS KLOUSCH AND TEXT BY JOE PULVER

“ANA KAI TANGATA” BY SCOTT NICOLAY WITH ART BY JD BUSCH

“THE HANDS OF SOPIALE” TEXT AND ART BY J KARL BOGARTTE

“LORD OF THE HUNT” BY LIVIA LLEWELLYN WITH ART BY DANIELE SERRA

“DARK OUTCOME” BY STAN SARGENT WITH ART BY TOM MORAN

“IF COMPANY SHOULD COME” BY ED MORRIS WITH ART BY DAVID LEE INGERSOLL

“WHISPERERS” BY DANIEL MILLS WITH ART BY DAVID LEE INGERSOLL

“FAINT BAYING FROM AFAR” BY RICHARD GAVIN WITH ART BY DAVE CARSON

"ZYGOTE'S FABLES" BY ERIC YORK WILL ALSO BE SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE TOME

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For the second time this year (with many more to come), I'm truly, truly humbled to be listed amongst the giants of dark fantasy and speculative/horror fiction, poetry and visual art working today.  Once this sucker drops, I think it just might set a new standard in scope, style, and substance.

On a personal note, the first bit of Lovecraftian art I ever purchased was from Paul Carrick, who has always been a favorite of mine, and was the first Lovecraftian artist - along with Dave Carson - that I considered a true rock star in the scene.  Well, friends and fruits, as it sits today, Paul Carrick has agreed to attach not one but TWO of his mind bending works of Mythosy mad art to my respective Aklonomicon stories, "Flutes" and "In the Cave, She Sang."

Yes, Mr. Carrick.  You ARE that dashing.

Aside from working closely with Joe on the creative seeds of "In the Cave, She Sang," having Paul's cosmic, bubbling pigments accompanying my humble words is an honor beyond comprehension, and makes Aklonomicon so special and exciting.

"Cthulhu" by Paul Carrick - I have this beautiful girl hanging on my wall

"Azathoth" by Paul Carrick - Is that a Servitor Flautist I see?  Hmmm...

I must have dug ditches in one of the danker levels of Hades in a former life, cuz I'm living high on the hill in this one...

The Horror of Hops! The Unnameable Barley! -or- How Beer Civilized the Planet

Because it's Friday, and Friday at The Cosmicomicon usually means a bloggish offering or two, and it also means beer.  And this week, while I sip something snooty and foreign, I'll be dreaming of something unknowable and alien, which just so happens to be Black IPA from Cthulhu Brewing Co.

Trivia time:  Did you know that beer was invented by humans before bread?  Tis true, according to my history professor in college, and various suitably scholarly articles such as this one.  11,000 years ago, those enterprising Mesopotamians in the Fertile Crescent of modern day Iraq peered into mystic, shamanistic pools to steal a glimpse of their future away from the gods.  There, on the shimmering surface, they saw the fall of Babylon, the rise of Islam, the creation of "ALF," and the two headed monster of Saddam Hussein and American military occupation.  Looking up from these enchanted waters, they paused... then grunted "Fuck THAT!" and decided to get loaded.

Beer Bong, Middle Stone Age Style

The development of beer meant domestication of grain, which meant agriculture, which meant the end of nomadic foraging in favor of human settlement, which meant the rise of fixed location civilization.

Did beer civilize the world?  A loaf of goddamn bread certainly didn't, so you be the judge.

Controversy still rages, debating whether August Derleth saved or ruined this beer

"Dissecting Cthulhu: Essays on the Cthulhu Mythos" - Edited by S. T. Joshi For MRP

As announced and recently updated on Yog-Sothoth.com, Tom Lynch of Miskatonic River Press has commissioned famed Lovecraft scholar S. T. Joshi to compile and edit a new collection of essays dedicated to the distillation of HPL's much talked about but rarely deeply analyzed Cthulhu Mythos, even as "The Big C" becomes more and more ingrained into the pop culture landscape (Cthulhu Doggie Sweaters! Cthulhu Beer Koozies! Cthulhu: The Androgynous Boy Band!).

From S. T.'s blog:

Tom Lynch of Miskatonic River Press has commissioned me to assemble a volume of essays on the Cthulhu Mythos, which will include well-known essays by Richard L. Tierney, Dirk W. Mosig, David E. Schultz, Robert M. Price, Will Murray, Robert D. Marten, Steven J. Mariconda, and others. I am again not certain of the schedule of publication, but the volume is already nearly assembled.

The excellent cover is by renowned Mythos artist Paul Carrick (who, rumor has it, is concocting not one but TWO original paintings for my respective stories accepted for publication in Aklonomicon, which is slated for international release in late 2011 by Aklo Press - BUY A T-SHIRT!).

As the release date firms up, I'll keep you posted, nutballs.

The Coolest Looking April Fools Prank Ever

Yes, that thing above.  That elegantly horrific elder creature that was touted by the talented jokesters at AvPGalaxy as pre-production concept art leaked by 20th Century Fox from the creative camp behind Ridley Scott's anticipated film Prometheus, which began as a prequel to Alien, and then spun off to become something totally original (GASP!), with only a few slight nods to the Giger-dreamed dystopian world in which Alien and all the sequels - both great and small - were set.

If that piece of edible art is an April Fools joke, may every day (other than major bank holidays, family birthdays, and anniversaries) be April 1st, because that sucker kicks the shit out of badass.

This article from Deadline is a bit old, but it gives some background on the mechanics of the project, while this AvPGalaxy update (posted March 15th) includes an excerpt from a translated article conducted and published by Teutonic fish wrap Blick, which makes Prometheus sound more than just a wee bit Lovecraftian:

Scott speaks of Erich von Daniken: “He has guessed right. Millions of years ago, there were intelligent creatures everywhere.” It is a time when HR Giger’s monster didn’t exist. “I have to create something new.”

Hmmmm.....

No, make that HMMMMMMMMMMM....!!!

Maybe Ridley could take a crack at Guillermo Del Toro's At The Mountains of Madness, which - as most know - is currently mired in the Great Nothingness of Unresolved Hollywood Wrangling, where it could reside, cold and forgotten, for untold eons.  Outside of Del Toro, I can't think of anyone better than Ridley Scott to helm something so bleak, massive, and cosmically terrifying.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.  I'm Ridley Scott.  I'm so fucking cool it hurts.