Friday, May 20, 2011
Preserved Brain of Those Waiting for Saturday's Rapture FOUND!
And that's actual size, folks. Thanks to Etsy for once again bringing the goods, and the goodness gracious.
As anyone who isn't presently living under a rock, a rather rotund sexual partner, or in a northwestern Pakistani cave NOT populated by Osama's ghost already knows, questionably lucid octogenarian Harold Camping and the good, salt-of-the-earth folks at Family Radio have crunched the Biblical numbers via some not just fuzzy math, but downright BLURRY math, and come up with the exact date of the Rapture, when all the good, "right kind of" Christians will be taken up into the nimbus clouds to shuck and jive with Jesus, while the uninitiated dregs of humanity must endure The Tribulation, the brutal boot of the AntiChrist (much like the Republicans, still looking for viable candidates), and Satan's unfettered reign on this tired planet.
This Rapture, this crazy, crazy Rapture... It's all going down on Saturday, May 21st, 2011, hopefully during or just after the monologue of the season finale of SNL (11:35 pm PST), cuz, you know, Justin Timberlake is hosting.
These Family Radio jackalopes must have missed the whole "Jesus will come like a thief in the night" part of Thessalonian scripture, and wanted to be the frontrunners of the Apocalypse. I previously covered this puzzling - but not surprising - movement here, but wanted to give a refresher to my beloved readers of The Cosmicomicon on the Near Eve of Destruction.
But back to the mini-brains under glass... I've been thinking of additional uses, coming up with zombie bonbons, earrings for the "so very over it" Goth Hipster in your life, and/or Christmas ornaments for your favorite neurosurgeon. I've always been partial to the hunky Dr. Kelly Foote: