The Horror of Hops! The Unnameable Barley! -or- How Beer Civilized the Planet

Because it's Friday, and Friday at The Cosmicomicon usually means a bloggish offering or two, and it also means beer.  And this week, while I sip something snooty and foreign, I'll be dreaming of something unknowable and alien, which just so happens to be Black IPA from Cthulhu Brewing Co.

Trivia time:  Did you know that beer was invented by humans before bread?  Tis true, according to my history professor in college, and various suitably scholarly articles such as this one.  11,000 years ago, those enterprising Mesopotamians in the Fertile Crescent of modern day Iraq peered into mystic, shamanistic pools to steal a glimpse of their future away from the gods.  There, on the shimmering surface, they saw the fall of Babylon, the rise of Islam, the creation of "ALF," and the two headed monster of Saddam Hussein and American military occupation.  Looking up from these enchanted waters, they paused... then grunted "Fuck THAT!" and decided to get loaded.

Beer Bong, Middle Stone Age Style

The development of beer meant domestication of grain, which meant agriculture, which meant the end of nomadic foraging in favor of human settlement, which meant the rise of fixed location civilization.

Did beer civilize the world?  A loaf of goddamn bread certainly didn't, so you be the judge.

Controversy still rages, debating whether August Derleth saved or ruined this beer

Hallowmas Eve - Day Three: The Masks We Wear

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
- James A. Baldwin

Are you not terrified (by the lack of craftsmanship)?

I think the whole concept of mass produced, kiddie-grade Halloween masks went out in the 80's, or possibly the early 90's (when I wasn't paying attention).  I remember the plasticine smell and suffocating feeling of wearing a cheapy, nearly flat, Chinese-made Frankenstein or Dracula mask as a kid that my parents would pick up at the local drug store.  That dangling rubber band that would pinch the back of my neck until it got too stretch out or broke, rending the whole chintzy affair over within days.

This guy just looks tired, on all levels.

Then, the kids who were better loved in the neighborhood were lucky enough to get the full-head model, made of molded foam rubber which had a different smell, and a different sense of suffocation when worn, but at least you knew this sucker was going to last until next year.

These days, we take our masking a bit more seriously, as evidenced by what I think is one of the coolest masks to slither out of the amazing minds of some Lovecraftian toiling away in a dank basement.

Behold, the Leather Cthulhu:

Old One mug shot... "Okay, fuck-o, turn to your right..."

...." and now to your left."

I'm actually frightened looking at these bad boys, which is a rare treat these days.  Cosmic kudos (I know, it's corny) to the makers of the Leather Cthulhu, which includes Bob Basset Art Group in the Ukraine, which made the one below:

 
Bob's beasts also conjure up this one:

The one below has a little old school rubber thrown into the mix, as a nod to the Elder Ones (in the mask biz and otherwise), :

I'm not sure what to make of this guy, but I'm pretty sure he and I could share a Mythos beer or two (in a well lit, crowded room, obviously):

Mask up right, folks, and mind the rubber band...