Official Novel Release Day: I Am The River now available worldwide

Cover created and designed by Ives Hovanessian

After a "fluid" official release day dating back to June (timing issues), today - October 3rd, in this the year of our blind and faceless and imaginary lord 2018 - arrives as the official release date of my debut novel I Am The River.

Aside from the joy of putting another book into the stream of civilization, this is an auspicious occasion on a personal level for several reasons, the most superficial of which is the attainment of an arbitrary delineation of accomplishment - that of completing and publishing a novel-length work of fiction. In writing that sentence, I paused to briefly rewind to the beginnings of my work as a writer, and realized that I was first published in the public sphere just short of three decades (!) ago. That's difficult for me to wrap my mind around (aging brain, and all). So the release of I Am The River: A Novel, nearly thirty years later, seems like a slow gestating sign of progress - a mark of growth and the ability to handle a longer narrative, and sustain it over the course of several hundred pages, giving it time to breathe and having the capability of keeping fresh air flowing into the lungs. From the outside, that might not seem like anything important or singular, and it certainly isn't, as the tens (hundreds?) of thousands of novelists who have come before me can attest. But it's not as easy as one thinks, as every writer or potential writer who has a novel burning inside them unquestionably knows: wanting to write a novel and actually completing a novel are two vastly different things. It's a benchmark, not unique (or novel, if you pardon the pun) to me or any other author, but a touchstone that is both satisfying personally, and easily processed by the outside world. Either way, I'll take both.

Today, I can claim the descriptor of "novelist," and half-heartedly promise to never use it in any official capacity outside of this post.

A girl and her cover

On this day of release, I'm grateful to so many for the help I have received in plotting, writing, completing, and then getting this novel into print. I'm grateful to Paul Minor for trusting me to set this whole journey into motion. I'm grateful to my wife Ivy for - as she always does - supporting the hundreds of hours of writing time, offering guidance, editing, and ideas, and for - as she always does - creating the cover that framed the book visually through her extraordinary artistic eye, which in turn inspired a key scene in the book that provided a pontoon bridge to keep the mission marching forward into the Laotian jungle. Vision boards work, and she creates them all for me for everything I do, whether she knows it or not.

I am grateful to Steve Berman at Lethe Press for backing my work, and to Matt Cresswell for making sure I was happy with the look of the final result. Packaging matters. Design matters. People do judge books by their covers, and by how the pages look between them.

I'm grateful to those fellow writers that I know and trust and admire who gave up days out of their busy, hectic lives to read an early copy of I Am The River and supply blurbs, lending their names and reputations to something I had written. That's powerful stuff, and incredibly generous. The real pros are always the nicest folks in the room. Remember that, especially when dealing with those who aren't.

A River arrives in Norway (book photo courtesy of Patrick G.P., Oslo)

And I am ever and steadfastly grateful to those individuals who have and continue to read the stories I create, and to support them however they can, in whatever form and format they appear. In a purely practical sense, books are a luxury, an idle, an entertaining distraction in an over-saturated media and entertainment marketplace that offers endless diversions for free, or in far more conveniently absorbed mediums. In tough, exhausting times such as these, purchasing (and then actually reading) new fiction can quickly become an extraneous budgetary expense and scheduling cutback. But people (and libraries!) continue to buy my books, all over the world. It's a humbling, stirring thing, met with perpetual amazement and appreciation.

I dedicated this book to Lewis Minor, and to all those who fought the brutal and tragic and complicated war in Southeast Asia in the 1960s and 70s, wishing each and every wanderer created on those battlefields - large and small, public and private - a safe passage home. And I dedicated this book to Gene O'Neill, a fellow writer of dark things, a United States Marine, and Vietnam vet who is a fantastic horror writer and a great guy. I asked him questions a few years back at Stokercon on the Queen Mary about his time in Vietnam, when the book was still in just the planning stages. What he said, and especially how he said it, influenced the story, and gave me - an entitled, American, Gen-X soft palm who was born just after the war, and thus never had to fight it or any others against my will - confidence that I could do it, and hopefully do it justice. The latter will now be for others to decide.

All that stated, and in my effort to entice you, gentle and loyal reader, to purchase this bound work of ink-printed pages, pixelated words on a glowing screen, or uttered sentences through speakers, I give you the final assemblage of blurbs for I Am The River:

“With echoes of Peter Straub’s KOKO and Apocalypse Now, T.E. Grau’s blazing, immersive novel takes us on the hell-ride of the Vietnam War’s last days as its raging waters also carry us through the first of our last days. I AM THE RIVER is a hallucinatory tour de force.” — Paul Tremblay, author of A Head Full of Ghosts and The Cabin at the End of the World

“A sense of being hunted, and haunted, hits you right from the start of I Am The River. That mood only grows in intensity as the scope of this novel’s nightmare takes shape. It’s supernatural and geopolitical and an unforgettable time. Denis Johnson’s Tree of Smoke comes to mind, the work of Peter Straub and Tim O’Brien, too. In other words T.E. Grau is writing the good stuff. Get some.”  —  Victor LaValle, author The Ballad of Black Tom

“I Am The River is the kind of thing that might happen if Algernon Blackwood had been brought in to do a rewrite of Apocalypse Now. A man barely holding onto his sanity in Bangkok remains haunted, stalked by a huge hound and undone by his own addiction.  His only way out is through revisiting his past in the Vietnam War and the secret PSY-OPS mission he was involved in–and which he’s been running from ever since.  A haunting meditation on war, death, addiction, and responsibility, with mindblowing forays into the weird.” — Brian Evenson, author of A Collapse of Horses and The Warren

“An intelligent accumulation of inner and outer darkness.” — Adam Nevill, author of The Ritual

“A lush green nightmarish journey into the dark, reminiscent of the late, great Lucius Shepard.” — Ben Loory, author of Tales of Falling and Flying

“I Am The River is a horror novel, yes, and it never skimps on its mission to unsettle us. It is also a book that finds horror not only in blood and shadows, but in the very real abysses that separate us: race, culture, and the manipulations of people by governments and by war. It moves quickly and intelligently from its first page to its last, evoking its nightmares in gorgeous, evocative, disturbing prose. A must-read!” — Christopher Coake, author of You Came Back

“I Am The River moves with fluid grace, flowing between times, places, and perspectives as it carries us through its protagonist’s surreal experience of the Vietnam War and his part in a covert mission which refuses to loose its grip on him. Located at the hot, humid intersection of Tim O’Brien’s classic Going After Cacciato and Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, this novel plunges us into war at its most extreme and insane, when the methods employed for defeating the enemy leave reason behind for terror and myth. Ted Grau’s writing continues to move from strength to strength.” — John Langan, author of The Fisherman

"A disorienting and devastating evocation of the horrors of war and PTSD. T.E. Grau has written infused the War Novel with dark mythic imagery that sears like napalm.” — Craig Laurance Gidney, author of Sea, Swallow Me and Other Stories

“Hallucinatory, gripping and haunting, I Am The River should rank as one of the best novels of 2018. The masterful point of view shifts and often stream-of-consciousness pacing makes for a riveting, oneiric read. In the author’s hands, this bleak, nightmarish and deeply unsettling tale is not only palatable… but delectable. Of course, I expect such quality from Grau. Everything he has written heretofore is bizarre, literary gold. That stated, this book represents Grau’s best work to date, and it is a must read.” — Jon Padgett, author of The Secret of Ventriloquism

“I don’t often say this, but here it needs to be said:  I Am The River is a modern literary masterpiece, and one that will be remembered long after we are returned to dust. It’s a mind-bending, soul-destroying meditation on morality and despair and conflict, on the trials of the human spirit during times of war when the line between good and evil is intangible. Impeccably written, compulsively readable, I Am The River deserves every ounce of praise it’s going to get, and then some, and marks Grau as an extraordinary talent.” — Kealan Patrick Burke, author of The Turtle Boy and Kin

“Grau is our boatman on this psychedelic journey of ghosts and guilt, artillery and atonement. More than a war story, I Am The River forces us to confront the bloody aftereffects in a way that is both powerful and poignant. A cautionary tale for the soul.” — Ian Rogers, author of Every House Is Haunted

“"I Am the River is a macabre journey through a hostile land where a soldier’s act of brutality haunts him, body and soul. With one remarkable collection under his belt, Grau now shows with his debut novel that he’s clearly at the head of the pack when it comes to compelling voices in weird horror fiction today." — Christopher Slatsky, author of Alectryomancer and Other Weird Tales

“T. E. Grau’s dark tale of suffering and the quest for redemption pushes the limits of psychological horror. Deeply poetic and disturbing, it reveals that even in the darkest corners of the soul, a faint humanity can be seen glittering and it’s simply beautiful.” — Seb Doubinsky, author of The Song of Synth and White City

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Thus, with this my first novel set free into the current, I watch it drift downstream as blessed October overtakes the planet. There on the water, tiny candle flames dance and wink in the humid air of the Floating City, of my city, of yours and those nearby, and also those across vast oceans and gulfs. I like the way it moves, this new book, and am pensive about where it will end up, and how the journey will treat it. But either way, I'm glad it's alive, and on the move.

As I watch, my thoughts also drift upstream, to the next bend in the river, and what waits there, ready to be unearthed, studied, and documented. But that's for another day, another posting. Right now, I can't take my eyes off the river, and the flames that seem to set the water afire.

While I am otherwise occupied, please enjoy I Am The River. I'm proud of this book, what is says and how it says it, and think it shows the best of me. It shows the writer I am now, at this moment, with still so much left to learn, to polish, to sharpen, and to do.

It shows me as a novelist, and I'll take that, too.

Please order direct from the Lethe Press site here, and support small press.
Paperback and Kindle available from Amazon here.
ePub ebook available from Smashwords here.
Audiobook available from Audible.com here.

TC Review & Interview: Paul Tremblay turns the possession story inside out with A Head Full of Ghosts, one of the hit horror novels of 2015

I'd imagine it takes a lot to scare Stephen King. Not that horror writers are fearless. Far from it. I've found them to be - and they've told me that they are - some of the biggest scaredy cats on the planet. People often obsess over what bothers them, and horror writers are no different. But all that aside, and going on Mr. King's own words ("I'm pretty hard to scare") when Stephen King, the unrivaled sitting Monarch and Standard Bearer of Horror and someone who deals with spooks and frights on a second by second basis, declares in a Tweet that a book "scared the living hell" out of him, it's a really big deal. Like, a huge friggin' deal.

The book Mr. King was talking about - as you may have guessed by now, courtesy of the title of this piece and the huge cover image above - is A Head Full of Ghosts, written by Paul Tremblay, long a well-regarded and highly respected writer of horror, crime, and the bizarre, who broke into the big leagues with his latest novel, and threatens to rise even higher with his forthcoming book (Disappearance at Devil's Rock).

By all markers that count, A Head Full of Ghosts is a full-on critical darling and commercial hit, a Platinum Record in the horror genre that will live on in coming years on bookshelves, and - dark gods willing - on the silver screen. Like every writer, every book longs to be immortal, and A Head Full of Ghosts has already achieved immortality as an important work of contemporary horror fiction in the most unassuming way possible - by being fresh and well written, without resorting to cheap tricks and bugling. This is the solid stuff of horror, not the sordid stuff. This is shoulder blade material, on which others will gain strength, and someday perhaps stand to cast their view to new dark horizons. Freshly minted foundation literature of a genre that needs new bedrock bricks as the older ones show their age.

In A Head Full of Ghosts, Tremblay shows his admiration for horror fiction, and even his warm affection for it. But he also shows that he's not slavish in his regard. He treats it with the respect that it has earned, not handling it with kid gloves, nor treating it like a special needs genre that will stumble more than it achieves. He expects a lot, and he gets it. Must be the teacher in him. The father. The expert horror writer.

He also shows his love of pop culture, skewering it whilst having fun with the whole concept of instant media covering instant media. Blogs that now serve as our glowing newspaper replacements. Personalities with opinions rather than grizzled reporters. Reality shows becoming our own personal reality, in an age where it seems that everyone will star in their own show at least once in their life. In this case, exposing a strange and growing mystery that might be a demonic possession to the heated gazes of camera lens and insatiable television viewer more out of necessity than narcissism, which makes it all the more tragic when things start to go South. And boy do they ever...

In short, A Head Full of Ghosts is a post-irony exploration of the horror genre, social media, reality television voyeurism, and the inner workings of a seemingly normal, working class family that has fallen on hard times and harbors secrets from each other, and the world. Simple right? Tremblay makes it appear so, as he's just that deft of a writer.

But Tremblay is sly about it. He doesn't show his cards, nor shake his tail feathers. He's modest about what he has, what he's doing, giving a knowing grin rather than jumping up on the table and shouting about it. This is quiet, confident, seamless writing that allows the reader to corkscrew down into a story and remain there until the bitter, bitter end.

This is clear from the rather straight-forward set-up of the novel, which begins with a young woman, Merry Barrett, recounting the horrifying events of her childhood to an author interested in writing a tell-all expose about the supposed possession, and exorcism, of Merry's older sister Marjorie, an experience which was filmed by a camera crew and made into a reality television series titled "The Possession."

But through these flashbacks told from Merry's POV, juxtaposed with a episodic breakdown provided by snarky horror blogger Karen Brissette, the reasons behind the exorcism, and the invitation to the intrusive camera crew into the lives of the Barrett family, become more murky, and more difficult to either cheer on or discount, as each undertaking has the power of logic and reasonable desperation behind them. Even the smallest details and potential pitfalls are worked out ahead of time by Tremblay, making the supernatural or possibly unbelievable easily authentic, and layering each character and their motivations. Narrative is bent, and narrators are biased according to their own unique universes, often rendering unreliable what we assumed as fact.

What all of this melds into is a fascinating examination of personal motivation, selfishness, vanity, and the erosion of mental stability, layered within a classic horror story. A Head Full of Ghosts is all of these things, as well as a commentary on the supernatural, religion, the power of myth, and the sometimes watery nature of truth. And it's a hell of a thrill ride, with a gut punch ending. Just ask Stephen King. Poor fella hasn't slept right in months.
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TC: From where did the initial germ of A Head Full of Ghosts: A Novel originate? Did its general plot and themes surprise you, or was it planned to deal with these elements all along?

PT: In February of 2013, I was spinning my tires, 100 pages into a novel that satirized the state of publishing through a boy obsessed with ending the world. The writing was very slow going but I was reading anything and everything I could get my hands on that might be related to apocalypse and end-of-world scenarios. I stumbled up a book of essays on the film The Exorcist. Bad Religion’s song “My Head Is Full of Ghosts” was ringing in my head too. It occurred to me then that there had been recent and successful literary updates of the zombie, vampire, and werewolf, but not many possession novels, even though Hollywood has continued to pump out the PG-13 exorcist-light fare.

I keep all these little notebooks around (and too often misplace) to jot down ideas, characters, and the like. I wrote “Horror Novel” at the top of page one in a notebook I hadn’t used yet. I imagined a family in dire financial trouble dealing with a maybe-possessed child, and that clicked with me. Soon after I had my two sisters, Merry and Marjorie and I knew the story would be ambiguous in its treatment of the supernatural (is she or is she not possessed?). I got lucky and the rest of the themes and structure were in place quickly too. I didn’t write a summary or outline, but before writing word one of the novel, I knew there would be an author interviewing Merry, a reality TV show, and a blog commenting on the action, and I knew what I wanted to happen to the family in end. All I had to figure out was how the me and  the Langans Barretts would get there.

(In my first draft, the Barretts were the family Langan, with John and Sarah as parents. I changed the last name at the end figuring that would’ve been too much winky wink. And I was right.)

The reaction to the novel has been incredibly positive, and a joy to watch, for many reasons. Did you know at the time of either the start of the book or the finish that you had a legitimate hit on your hands?

Thank you, Ted.

I felt really good about the novel at the start. I mean, really good. No Sleep Till Wonderland had come out three years prior in 2010, and the sting of its lack of success and lack of publisher support (by lack, I mean less than goddamn nothing) for the book really shook my confidence as a writer. I didn’t feel good about myself, my writing, and was second guessing everything I did. But when I had the idea for AHFoG, I felt energized again and I knew as long as I didn’t get in my own way and muck it all up, I’d have a good novel.

That’s not to say I never doubted myself. Doesn’t matter if I’m writing a novel, short story, or an essay, there’s always a moment where I think the work is going terribly and the do-I-quit-or-keep-going? doubt/questions arise. For novels, it tends to happen around page 100. Also, my agent, after reading those first 100 pages of AHFoG was initially skeptical of the book’s POV and structure, which kind of threw me for a loop. But after a few days of self pity, I said screw it and forged on because I really believed in what I had and what it would be. To my agent’s credit, once he read the full final draft he said he was wrong and loved the book. It’s always okay to admit when you’re wrong, kids.

I had no idea if it would be a hit or even if it would sell (especially given my previous sales track record), but I believed in it. I really liked this book. Loved it, even. It was something that I would want to read. Ultimately, that’s my measuring stick. I can’t forecast the market well enough to make predictions about sales and the like; therein lies madness. The book was as close to being what I’d hoped it would be when I started, so I was pleased, and nervously excited about its possibilities.

What do you and Stephen King talk about when you take walks together?

There’s no talking allowed. He’s trying to teach me to communicate via telepathy. I worry though. Our walks are getting longer and longer.

With you being the father of a tween girl, was it difficult writing the more graphic scenes of possession involving Marjorie?

When I wrote the novel, my daughter was essentially Merry’s age (8 going on 9). I had her (and my son) as models for Merry. For Marjorie, I extrapolated, and I’ve been teaching teens for longer than I care to admit. My hope is that when my daughter is old enough to read it, she’ll identify and empathize with both sisters. I hope that people view Marjorie not as a monster/devil/demon, but as a compelling and sad character. I feel terrible for Marjorie. Whatever is happening to her is not her fault, and the adults attempting to intervene make it all worse.

In general, I find it’s always difficult to write graphic scenes because I want them to have an impact beyond the ick factor. That’s not easy to do, or do well. Hopefully those scenes work. Throughout the novel, I operated under the idea or mantra that the actions of the family members, of what they do to themselves and to each other would be described realistically and in great detail, and those scenes, the ones less likely to be supernaturally enhanced (shall we say), would be the most disturbing scenes in the novel.

Utilizing such zeitgeisty elements as reality television, blogs, and a bankrupt blue collar job market, what do you want to say with A Head Full of Ghosts? (if anything other than just wanting to tell a gripping tale) 

I wanted to SAY ALL THE THINGS!!!!  If I’m being obnoxious (which, let’s be honest, is most of the time), I describe the book as a secular, postmodern, feminist exorcism novel. The opportunity was there within the story for all sorts of commentary: how girls/women are often portrayed in possession stories, commentary on organized religion and its treatment of women, media and the information age and their cumulative effect on us, the disappearing blue collar class etc. Hopefully all of it becomes this monstrous mass crushing the Barretts, making everything worse, and the horror of the novel is witnessing what happens to them under all that if not familiar then frighteningly plausible pressure.

Any news on the cinematic front? Are you involved in the adaptation of the novel to a screenplay?

There are two screenwriters (Benjamin Davis Colllins and Luke Piotrowski) working the adaptation as we speak. I am not officially or contractually involved, but they’ve been great about keeping me in the loop and answering questions about the development process. Ben and Luke and the producers all are very excited and hopeful about the project. Go team!

In your forthcoming novel, Disappearance at Devil's Rock, you again center on the lives and consequences of teenagers, and the danger they can attract. What about that age group interests you as a writer of dark or horror fiction?

Who among us can’t remember how exciting, mystifying, and terrifying it was to be kid/teenager? Being that age is one of the few transformative, universal experiences we all share.

I think writing young characters is a strength of mine because I still feel like a confused teen most of the time. I’ve been a teacher most of my adult life and I have two kids of my own so I’ve either been a kid or been around kids, and I almost always have my summers off.

Unreliable narrators or confessions play a role in both books, as well. Is this a literary construct that you enjoy using and intentionally employed, or has it been intrinsically essential to both stories?

AHFoG had to be first person. It wouldn’t have worked otherwise. We needed to have Merry’s story be ambiguous because it was ambiguous for her. It had been changed and filtered by time, by media, by what other people told her, and by her own faulty memory. Plus, first person narrators are inherently unreliable. It’s a biased POV, and any first person account, if done well, takes advantage of that. I love me first person, yes I do.

DaDR is a third person limited novel with a little first person sprinkled in here and there. Instead of the unreliable narrator, we have a whole cast of unreliable characters. It’s about your friends and loved ones being unreliable. How can you possibly know what they’re thinking, what kind of decisions they will make, are they telling the truth, do they know if they’re telling the truth?

 With A Head Full of Ghosts making such waves, has there been any early cross-media activity with Disappearance at Devil's Rock in terms of film or television?

No, nothing yet. It's still early. I only just sent the book to my film agent a few days ago. So, we'll see.

My son is planning on helping me film a little book trailer for DaDR, though. I think it’ll be good. Or unintentionally funny. Which would still be good.

How has working with major publishers differed from working primarily in small press? In your experience, how is horror fiction viewed in the larger publishing world, outside of closely knit genre fiction circles?

My first experience with major publishers wasn’t so hot. I had two wonderful editors for the Mark Genevich books, both of whom helped those books be the best books they could be from an editing standpoint, and I’m eternally grateful to them for that. But, without getting into too much woe-is-me detail, the support of the publisher overall just wasn’t there, particularly with the second book.

Working with Jennifer Brehl and William Morrow has been an absolute dream come true. Jen is an amazingly intelligent, insightful, and creative editor, one who always asks me the right questions with answers that have lead to the two best books I’ve written. The publicity and marketing team have been incredibly supportive, creative, and enthusiastic as well.

I’ve certainly enjoyed working with Brett and Sandra and Chizine Publications as well, and how much creative control they allow their authors. Their books are beautiful and original and I’m very proud to be in the CZP stable. I would certainly work with them again.

As far as how horror is viewed in the larger publishing world? I’m still trying to figure it out, to be honest. There seems to be more excitement and acceptance of it, particularly with readers. My experience is somewhat anecdotal, but I can’t tell you how many times I see an online reviewer who isn’t clued into the small press horror community talking about wanting to read more horror and they’re pleased to stumble across my book. Readers want the kind of stuff we (the royal we) want to read and write, it’s just a matter of getting those books into their hands. Here’s hoping that many more authors crossover from the smaller presses to the larger ones. I want all of you (the royal you) talented folks to have access to more readers. This includes you, Ted, my handsome doppelganger….

Okay, now The Cosmicmicon is blushing, which isn't easy for a non corporeal cyberspace presence... Now fully recovered, we'd like to ask what's next for you? What are your short- and long-term goals now that you've taken that next step in your writing career?

Survive the school year gauntlet of January and February. I owe some editors a few short stories, so those need to be written. Both part of my short term and long term goals: I plan on pitching a couple of books to my publisher very soon. If they go for it, then well, I’ll be busy in the short term and long term. Happily so.

Thanks so much, Paul. We very much appreciate you taking the time to hang out at The Cosmicomion, and wish you boundless success in your future endeavors.

Thank you, Ted!